Well, I just rediscovered my old "blog" thanks to Ashley. I'm older now, and as much as I'd like to make this whole thing private so that *I* would be the only one able to access the entries (for entertainment purposes, I don't want to completely delete it!), I haven't yet found a way to do so. So anyone who may happen across this...take it lightly; it's from those early teen years and we know nothing from then can be taken too seriously!

Birds uniting, soaring south together as one...together as one, one

Green leaves turning shades of gold, crimson, blazing orange...Tumbling, tumbling, drifting away...scattering apart

Frost sparkling, glittering upon the chilled grass...enchancing, embellishing, beautifying to a level never before acheived

Dammit.

Prepare for: one of my not-so-nice entries.

"So I turned myself to face me, But I've never caught a glimpse"

Yes, it's one of those once-in-a-while eras where everything seems to be changing. Me and Zach, are over. After nearly nine months, but after -lots- of consideration (ask Skyler...she was there along the way) I came to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do. There were several determining factors...basically, we just didn't match up. I feel like a bitch for it (as do many others...and they've been certain to inform me), but...life's filled with twists and turns I suppose.

I figure that I crashed, crumbled, and destroyed one of my closest (and newest) friendships today. My fault entirely, but I'm not sure on  a way to fix it. Perhaps just apologize and hope for the best? I was stupid, yeah. Damn. Sometimes I just don't think...I act out. Transform into a different person entirely. Damn! Think, ponder, act, do, regret,  rejoice, bleck. It's a mess now, yup. God...I can't believe I was so amazingly, pathetically immature today.

I guess it's just been one of those off-weeks. A moody roller-coaster of conflicting emotions, decisions, and events. Sick stomach, I hope the ride ends soon. And preferably no souvenier photo.

But hey, things will work out. In a way unforseen at the moment, they will.

Sorry, I'll only hurt you...

I found Jenn's ninth through twelfth grade assignment books today. It brought back a wave of memories, and a shock of new realization.

Back then, she was the "Big GIrl", the "Teenager", and I was the little sibling...watching, seeing, absorbing, waiting, wishing...longing for the day that I would be her age, in her shoes, living her life. A big High Schooler. Hanging out with friends, sharing the weekends with buddies, travelling places and doing things. Independant, funny, and cool...just like she looked through my eyes. Finding those books today, reading through the lyrics and quotes and dates...I remember tagging along to a movie with Jenn, Joe, Michelle, Tom, or going with Mom to take her pictures before homecoming...and feeling like a Big Girl. Well, I guess I am a "Big Girl" now. Spending my time with friends, travelling places and doing things. And its nothing like I imagined. I didn't suddenly wake up one day thinking "Hey! I'm growing up!"...I didn't even realize it. I've been living that life I had waited for so long, and it hardly hit me. A gradual tide coming in, waves damping my feet for a while before the wave engulfed me.

 This entry is overall-lly pointless, but...wow. Just a smack of "HEY! WAKE UP!" thrown into my face today I suppose.

Have a lovely weekend, everyone.

Haha...Last night was my first homecoming. And it. Was. Awesome. I'll write about a few prominent memories of the night....lol...or just ones that were funny or something of the sort.

Well, Zach, Matt, Mandi, and Emily arrived at 5. We got pictures, then went to Azteca, where we were surprised by my cousin/best friend Kelsey and twenty-one of her closest friends. We ate, Mandi almost choked, Zach got lemon squirted in his eye, etc etc, then we left, went to my house, freshened up, and went to the dance.

At the dance, it was packed. We brought Spooj there (our band mascot), complete with a tux courtesy of Skyler and I and some white duct tape from the hardware store. Tom, Marty, Cameron... everyone loved it. Mitch and Tom are planning on creating a whole Sppoj line of interchangeable clothing. =P

Well, Zach and I and several others wandered around, talking to different groups of people, "dancing" around...when Skyler and I's (and our group of Senior friends')  theme song of the year came on: Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Skyler and I dash away to find our Seniors, ecstatic. We spot them in a big circle with about twenty other people, arms around each others shoulders, swaying back and forth, screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs. In the middle is Cameron and Marty (?), dancing with Mandy (?) and another girl. We tap Chris and Nate on the shoulder and they pull us inbetween them. There we stand, singing and swaying. Suddenly Cameron sees Skyler and me in there, and he yells "SOMEONE ELSE GOES IN THE MIDDLE!", then joins in between the two of us. We're all screaming...

Streetlights...people.....living just to find emotion...hiding....somewhere in the night...

The end of the song comes, where it builds up, and we start a kick line in our big old circle, still screaming and just having an awesome, memorable time...haha....the DJ said he's never seen so many people get so into a single song before.

Besides that, a lot happened that I don't feel like writing out. Drew and Zach entertained us with the Lawnmower, Shopping Cart, and Plumber...I had my first dance with Zach...Skyler slipped and fell on her ass while doing a dance with me...I slid, stepped on Mandi's foot, and twisted to land on my feet....Oh yeah, another interesting thing. If any of you know Blake, this will be shocking. If you don't, you won't get it. Blake's one of our band people, a Senior...well...to describe him...his greeting to me is "Fuck You" every day. It's sort of a tradition by now. We kept a count of how many times he told me that at band camp (37) and how many times he'll tell me it throughout the school year (42 is the most recent count). It's almost become a friendly greeting from him to me by now. Anyways, he's a big prick a lot of hte time...he can be cool, we hung out with him a couple times at band camp and he's not always an asshole...but still, he doesn't really care about anyone.  Last night, after I got done dancing the last dance of the night with Cameron, he walked up to me and said "The least you can give me is a f*cking hug", and he gave me this huge hug. I was shocked.

After homecoming, Skyler, Zach, and I went over to Chris's for a few hours. Chris, Chris, Cameron, Mitch, KP, Big Tom, Jane...they were all there. It was a pretty great time. If only Zach (-points a finger at you,
Zach-)   would have tried to be a little more social...oh well though, maybe eventually?

Well, there's many other little details I could add, but this is long enough already. I hope everyone else had a good time, any interesting stories feel free to leave.